Happy New Year?
Hi, everyone! I wanted to give a little life update since so many things have changed since my last update.
I finished radiation Dec 29th after the longest two months of treatment. The appointments were every single morning at 10 am. The treatment office was a half hour of STREET driving. Endless stoplights & stop signs and traffic every day no matter what. I know how annoyingly privileged this sounds complaining about traffic but when heading to a treatment that I know will make me so tired and nauseous while also having a belly full of chemo pills….it was miserable. I hated every second of radiation. It was so incredibly isolating. I also got news of my pop passing away two days into radiation. I’m the kind of person who throws herself into work/play dates/concerts (thank god for Harry’s LA residency) to avoid feeling the hard feelings or thinking about stuff too much. Radiation forced me to be still. I laid face down on a table for 12-15 minutes every day alone. Most appointments were spent in tears the entire time because I was forced to be still. My mind would always wonder to my pop since the news of his passing was so fresh. I’m so glad this part of my cancer journey is over.
Next I’m facing rescans and then surgery around march. I most likely will have to have more IV chemo after surgery since the cancer had spread to local lymph nodes. They just want to be sure they got it all.
New Years Eve filled me with a thousand different emotions. The absolute worst year of my life was finally coming to a close and I finished radiation just in time for the new year. I was so happy to leave 2022 behind. On the other hand of that—I was leaving behind the last year that I had my pop. I’m entering a year he will never know. It’s an impossible emotion. I think that’s why I’m struggling to get back into work and my normal routine after a new year. In January of 2022, I had a super cute personalized journal that I found through a targeted instagram ad and filled it with all my dreams and resolutions for the new year. All of which got put to a screeching halt once my diagnosis came in April. I hate to sound so bitter and negative. I’m hoping to get back into it and not hold back on planning, dreaming, and looking forward to a new year full of new opportunities.
Thank you guys for being here for me and sending all the love and support throughout this journey. It means more than you know