The final hurdle
(I hope)
Hellllllo + welcome back to another endless musings that are the thoughts constantly swirling around in my head that I try to coherently get out onto canvas for people who care enough to read about my journey.
We are officially a week out from my surgery. I have kept myself so busy the last 8 weeks that I haven’t had a free moment to have a single thought let alone even let my mind for a second even think about the word surgery. Unfortunately for me though, eventually I ran out of steam (and had to show up to pre op appointments which threw me head first into the reality that my days with my rectum are numbered lol.)
Friday, I will have surgery to remove the tumor that flipped my life upside down almost a year ago. When I found out about this little cling on last year surgery seemed so far away. I’ve been numb / on auto pilot this entire journey so to me time just isn’t a thing that really affects me or that I see passing by. For adam though, he can’t believe that we are “finally here”. I don’t know where I am most days so “here” could very well be “there” or anywhere lol. Don’t worry I plan to work all of this ptsd and trauma out in therapy in the following months I’m fully aware of how unhealthy it is and we will be discussing it at length. But you know survival mode and all that.
But I digress… (this will be the most spiderwebbed and choatic blog of them all because I can’t keep a single thought process straight and see it through to the end.) Surgery is March 3rd. I will be having it at Keck Hospital at USC. They will be removing my rectum and a good part of my large intestine. The cancer had spread to my local lymph nodes so they want to remove all of those to ensure they got it all. The treatment (chemo + radiation) worked together to shrink the tumor away from my sphincter muscle so thank whatever is up there in the sky, the universe, the aliens currently invading us…I will not have a permanent bag. I will have a temporary one for three months following surgery but it will be reversed.
At my pre-op appt, they told me I will be staying in the hospital for about 7 days following the surgery and to be prepared to be in bed for 2-3 weeks and not back to normal for 4-6 weeks. My risk of hernia (due to my intestines hanging out of my stomach) is a lot bigger so I won’t be able to lift or use my abdominal muscles fora good bit. Thankfully, Mimi and Nana are coming up to be with the kids and get quinny to school the week I will be spending in the hospital so that Adam can be with me.
Neither my surgeon nor my oncologist has discussed treatment or next steps following surgery. At the beginning of all of this I was told potentially treatment after surgery but no one has mentioned anything yet.
I hate asking for help and it’s not something I typically do but seeing as things will be back to not being normal at all for a few weeks, I will be opening up my meal train once again to help adam and the kids through another 6 weeks of me being bed ridden and out of commission. I appreciate everyone who has help so far and anyone who will help now.
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