First day of infusion
Man, writing these is not as easy as it was before chemo. My brain doesn’t work as well and I feel like I need a nap after just sitting up out of bed. Yesterday at 8:20 (closer to 8:40 because I was late even though being late is literally my biggest pet peeve) I started my chemotherapy infusions. Adam came inside with me and since there was only one other patient present, they let him stay (thank goodness hahaha). As soon as we sat down and got settled we heard the music that was quietly playing from the nurses station. Adam nudged me when he realized what was playing. Fine Line by Harry Styles. The line “we’ll be alright” was almost my cancer tattoo before I settled on the “long story short, it was a bad time”. It was also playing in the operating room the moment my port got inserted. That being the song that was on as I showed up to get my first chemo infusion was kismet like. Turns out my chemo nurse is also a huge harry styles fan. I heard her on the phone with someone discussing getting verified fan presale codes the night prior after not thinking that she was selected. I brought it up to her because I went through the same thing. I spent all of Tuesday thinking I wasn’t picked because I didn’t get my presale code until after 8pm Tuesday evening. Once she realized I was a fan too, she put on Harry’s House for me.
The infusion started with a bag of steroids, Benadryl, and anti-nausea medicine. Then she started two bags of my actual chemo meds. I passed out early into the first bag once the Benadryl kicked in. I slept through almost my entire infusion, woke up to use the restroom, and then fell back to sleep. I was woken up to switch to my pump and be sent home. I go through two days of the at home pump and return tomorrow morning to get it disconnected. I will go back to get my second infusion June 7th.
Once I got home, I fell back to sleep after eating a small meal. I ended up sleeping most of the day just getting up to use the restroom and going back to bed. Once the kids were in bed, Adam and I watched a movie (Uncharted with the cutest lil bean Tom Holland…7/10 would recommend) and I tried to work on my current lego build which is the typewriter. My hand quickly said no. One of the medicines I’m on make me insanely sensitive to cold and I was told they would mess with my hands as well. I tried to move something in the fridge and instantly felt like I touched a frozen flag pole in the middle of a blizzard. It’s legit insane. We live right on the water on a hill so we constantly have a sea breeze (not complaining I typically love it) but I walked outside and felt like I walked out to a full on blizzard the wind cut right through me.
This morning I woke up super nauseous, the most tired I’ve ever felt, and very cold. I have turned my bedroom where I’ve been spending 99% of my time into a sauna. I’ve slept most of the day with the exception of heading out side to watch the kids ride bikes. Speaking of kids, Quinn has been the sweetest little bedside nurse. She’s so aware of my pump bag, any weird face I make, or what I’m doing.
Chemo brain is so real and I didn’t expect it to hit so soon. I feel so out of it and exhausted. This is all I have to share today. My words aren’t coming as easy as they normally do.
Thank you thank you thank you endlessly for the support. Not having to worry about meals has been a godsend during this time. Waking up to the meals you guys graciously provide for my family has been such a nice warm embrace during this season where cold is my enemy haha.